asking myself...

I do not fear the work that I need to be doing; I do not fear the cold room where I will be doing the work although I may use that as an excuse from time to time. I think I have the ability to sit and write about things that I find interesting, and a common fear that might exist is one of rejection. I don’t know that I fear rejection. I may fear producing a work that is never read by another, but does this mean that I should not write it? Does this mean that I do not believe in my own work enough to even produce it? That my passion for the art is fabricated and not sincere? Do I love to write, or do I write because I want love?

my closet

I’ve taken my muse for granted. I’ve made an assumption that she will never leave, and that I have indefinite amounts of time to begin acknowledging her presence. My muse may be sitting in limbo waiting for me to wake her, but that does not mean that I have the right to let her sleep.

There is a closet in my mind that I leave shut. I walk by this closet in my mind daily and avoid opening because I am lazy. This closet does not contain a monster or some other tangible danger to fear. If there is a closet filled with something I dread, it is a closet filled with responsibility. It is my own responsibility to shape and fashion my destiny (how cliché), whereas currently the daily grind does that for me. I have no responsibility but to go to work in order to receive my meager wage. The perk of this job is the lack of responsibility. Some may argue that their work done is game changing or essential, but that is an illusion and the truth is denied. The materials needed to change the game are provided. None of the progress would be possible without the job, even though the talent drives the progress. It is arrogant to believe that one is something more than a cog in the engine, arrogance to believe one is a separate engine all to itself. This is never the case unless the engine was built brand new for a machine that would not exist if not for its creation.

This machine lives in the closet in my mind. I am afraid to build it. And so my muse continues to sleep, and for all I know she is already gone.

soundshift say:

It's a good feeling to be proud of one's self, even though the arrogance is so ugly.

soundshift say:

Be your own example of how you want to see others and love yourself.

soundshift say:

Be modest and humble about your own successes because you may have much that others envy.